“Typically when a couple has humor, it means they have perspective,” says Morris who recommends couples find laughter in both good and bad times. Life is stressful, so it helps if you can find lightness even when you’re in the thick of it. “Physical attraction is far deeper than looks.” Laugh with each other. According to Chute, “Happy marriages are based on a sense of connection,” she says. The good news is that your spouse doesn’t have to be a cover model for you to feel attracted. She recommends practicing “attraction thoughts.” To do this, she says, focus on the attributes you’re most drawn to, like your spouse’s great legs or the way they parent your kids (it doesn’t have to be physical). “Attraction to your spouse is a decision that you have the power to make throughout your marriage,” says Sunny McMillan, certified life coach, radio host, and author of Unhitched. You get to decide if you think your partner is hot? Believe it or not, yes. Whether it’s a love of travel, a strong desire to build a family together, or a dedication to a common cause, these experiences enrich their relationship.” Choose to be attracted to you spouse.
According to Morris, “Happy couples have a zest for life with each other. When couples share a unique passion, or learn a skill together-such as take a cooking class, or tennis lessons-they evolve together. 31 Romantic Weekend Getaways to Book on a Budget.“Injecting new activities and interests into your relationship can strengthen the bond,” says Pawelski. While it’s important to not fully depend on your partner in order to maintain a happy marriage, it’s also necessary to share common experiences. “We should be secure, mature, and whole in ourselves while being open to the other person.” So make sure you nurture your own interests and desires-take a class you’re interested in, make plans with friends-instead of waiting for your spouse to fill in the void. Instead, couples in healthy relationships should “complement,” not “complete” one-another, she says. According to Pawelski, If you rely on your spouse to fulfill you, it can lead to an over-dependent relationship where you are not growing as individuals. When he announced “You complete me,” it sure was romantic-but it doesn’t fly in the real world.
HAVING A PEACEFUL LIFE MOVIE
Reality check: Jerry Maguire is a movie character. Play icon The triangle icon that indicates to play Don’t expect your partner to complete you. “And when we help our partner use their strengths we experience more relational satisfaction,” she says. “Using our strengths on a daily basis is associated with greater well-being,” says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, co-author of the book Happy Together, which she wrote with her husband James Pawelski, PhD. If their strength is cooking, they can manage meal planning instead. Instead, make it your job to set the budget. For example, if you’re better with numbers, don’t get angry when they misbalance the checkbook. But to have a happy marriage you have to accept your partner’s strengths and weaknesses and be able to set realistic expectations, says Ellen Chute, LMSW. It’s not always easy to see past minor annoyances, and at times you may even hate your partner. In fact, it probably means you’re normal. Juliana Morris, a family and couples therapist, says that some of the happiest couples she has worked with “have weathered hard times.” So if you and your spouse sometimes argue, or are going through a rough patch, this does not necessarily mean you are in an unhappy marriage. But when you do fight, happy marriages listen to each other’s point of view, recognize when the argument is going off the rails, and make the necessary repairs, she says. “Like all relationships, there are ups and downs,” says psychologist Erica MacGregor. Follow their helpful tips for a stronger, healthier and yes…more blissful bond. (Sometimes it’s more like the frosting chunk that went up your nose during the smash-good intentions, but wrong outcome.) There’s actually a lot of work that goes into living “happily ever after,” so whether you’ve been married for years or just tied the knot, we asked the experts what couples can do to have a happy marriage. All that dancing and laughter- weddings are a lot of fun, but being married isn’t always a piece of cake.
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